


There, Always

by fergus80



Category: Dark Angel
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-16 20:57:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3502508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fergus80/pseuds/fergus80
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Max’s head finally gets screwed on right, and she figures out what, or whom she really wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There, Always

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is set after FN, slightly into season three. Max is leading the Transgenics, Alec and Joshua are helping her in TC. Logan and her are… well… together as they were before HG, as in “he’s not my boy,” yet… making cow eyes. All right, this is all in Max’s point of view… just so you know.

Everything had gone wrong. Very, very wrong. Max knew that the instant she saw the bullet hurtling towards her. Too fast for her to comprehend and then she was falling. Falling to the side with a heavy force. Alec’s face right before hers, his eyes going wide, and then she felt it. Pain, searing pain, then nothing.

_________________________________

Her head was pounding, her body felt like it was on fire. A fire of pain, echoing from her shoulder. She felt a soft touch to her cheek, someone holding on to her hand. Her heavy eyelids struggled to open, and then bright light hit her eyes, making her squint, and moan. 

 

“Max?”

 

She heard the voice, her brain tried to recognize it through the fog. Her eyes slowly adjusted to the light, and his worried face came into view. “Alec?” her raspy voice asked.

 

His face gave her a small smile, and she could see the relief was over him. “Welcome back to the world of the living.”

 

She looked down at her hand, seeing his still holding hers. Looking back up into his eyes with a questioning look, she saw his eyes widen slightly, and then he released it quickly. But not before she saw the tube sticking out of her arm, the other end running to his. She looked at it, then back to him.

 

He nodded at her, “Sorry, you have some cocky ass blood running through your veins now.”

 

She closed her eyes again, and shook her head. Then wished she hadn’t, as pain seemed to stab into her temples. “But... you were shot, too. Weren’t you?”

 

He looked over at his shoulder, “Just a graze.” He smiled at her, “Guess I can’t even take a bullet for you right.”

 

Max’s eyes widened at his comment, “What?” She couldn’t believe it. Had he really jumped in front of the gun for her?

 

He must have seen her shocked look, as he went on. “Nah, Max.” He said, smiling, “Just tried to knock you out of the way,” he said, a little too quickly. Something made her not believe him. She moved to sit up, and winced. His hands immediately were on her, pushing her gently back to the bed. “Don’t even try to get out of bed. You lost a lot of blood, and need to heal for awhile.”

 

She didn’t want to hear it, “Alec, I have stuff to do. What’s going on? What happened with the raid? Was anyone else hurt?” The questions just kept coming to her brain, as she watched him put up his hands. 

 

“A few others were hurt, but nothing serious. The raid, for the most part was successful. We got the information we were looking for, as well as some weapons.” She nodded at him and he continued, “Everything is fine right now. Status quo.” He looked down at the tube, and started to clamp it. 

 

She reached out, touching his arm, “Thanks.”

 

He gave her a confused look, “For what?”

 

“Everything,” she said giving a small smile. She knew that if he hadn’t have knocked her out of the way, she would have been dead. She might have still been shot, but at least she was alive.

 

He waved her off, taking out the IV from both of them, and standing up. “It was nothing.” She just nodded, as she watched him turn away, looking slightly uncomfortable. He threw out the needles and tubing and then turned back around. “Well, I better go tell everyone you are awake,” he said as he moved to the door. 

 

She nodded, and he left, shutting the door behind him. Max sighed to herself. *Well, that’s a first,* she thought. *He finally saved my ass.* Then she kicked herself, *No, that’s not true.* And she sighed, because she didn’t want to admit it to herself, that he had done it again. The number of times he had actually saved her ass were too numerous to count. She was cut off in her thoughts though when the door opened again.

 

“Max… thank God.” Looking up, she saw Logan walking towards her. “Alec just told me you were awake. How do you feel?” She smiled at him, and then it quickly faded. “Max? What’s wrong?”

 

How could she tell him what was wrong? That she was wondering why in the hell it was Alec that was sitting next to her when she woke up and Logan wasn’t? Granted Alec was there because he was giving her blood. But she had seen the worried look on his face. But what about Logan? Where the hell was he? “Nothings wrong,” she lied. “What’s going on out there? Something important you’re working on?”

 

He took a seat next to her, being careful not to touch her. “Yeah, got some information on some drug smugglers. Needed to confirm the information and then send it to Sung.”

 

She nodded, a slight amount of anger going through her. She tried to tell herself she was being irrational, being selfish. That what he was doing was important. But damn it, she was supposed to be his girlfriend. *Well, something like one.* And he was doing Eyes Only stuff while she was trying to recover from a bullet wound that almost killed her? *What the fuck?* Max faked a yawn, the last thing she was, was tired. But she wanted him to leave, she had to work out her anger before she said something she would later regret. Only thing was, her mind asked her if she would truly regret it. *What the hell is going on with me?* she asked herself.

 

He must have gotten the hint, “You look tired. You need your sleep.” He stood up, and almost reached out to touch her, her eyes widened as his hand stopped less then a foot from her. He quickly reached back, his eyes seeming to show the shock himself. He then tried to laugh it off, “Almost forgot I’m not wearing gloves right now.” He backed away, “Get some rest Max, I’ll check on you later.”

 

*Yeah, right.* She thought, and then felt shock at her own thought as he shut the door behind him. *Where is all this coming from?* She ran her hand over her face, and sighed heavily. *Maybe almost dying for what? The third time now? Or is it more?* She honestly couldn’t remember, *That’s sad.* She then shook that line of thought away, to concentrate once again. *Did almost dying make me see things differently?* She tried to think of why. She tried to think of why she was having friendly, nice thoughts about Alec, and not so nice thoughts towards Logan. She looked down at her arm, and then laughed slightly at herself. *Damn it Alec! It’s all your fault. Now I have your blood messing with my brain!* She nodded at herself, *Yep, that’s it. That’s all that’s wrong.* With that thought settled in her brain, she closed her eyes and went back to sleep.

_________________________________

The next morning they finally allowed her to get out of bed. Mostly because she was complaining so much. But she couldn’t help it, she felt out of control just sitting in that bed. She needed to be doing something. Even if it was just standing around headquarters. 

 

She had rationalized everything in her mind from the day before. She fully blamed it on Alec, like she did everything else in her life. It was easier that way. *Besides, it makes perfect sense,* she told herself as she sat in one of the chairs listening to Logan talk at the morning meeting. But if that was the case, then why was she not paying attention to him, like she usually did? He was going on and on and on about something he had found on one of the computers. Something that had nothing to do with them or their cause. But something for his save the world campaign. She groaned to herself. *Did Manticore actually put that cockiness attitude into Alec’s blood?* 

 

Max stopped him mid-sentence, “Uh Logan, anything on the transgenic front?” She saw the amused smiles from the others around her, and a few shocked looks as well. *What? They can’t believe I would steer him to what was really needed?* Then she realized, that is exactly what they thought. She tuned out what he was saying next as well. It really didn’t interest her, and she was sure he would just tell her all of it again anyways. When his monotone voice ceased she looked up from the pad of paper she had been doodling on. He looked like he had finished, “Uh, okay. Who’s next?”

 

She rolled her eyes at Alec’s amused smile, which then quickly left his face from the evil glare she gave him. “Well, the weapons we got have been inventoried and stocked. Dix is working on decoding the information.” 

 

Alec nodded at the other transgenic, and he spoke up, “It will take a few days, but that’s just because of the heavy encryption on the file. Once the computer is done, it should be a piece of cake.”

 

Alec smiled again, and then turned back to Max. “So, except for a few surprises,” he said raising a hand indicating her, and her being shot. “It went okay. As for our next scavenger hunt, I have scouts out now, looking for something.”

 

She nodded at him. He already had people out, looking. He had taken care of things while she couldn’t, and knew exactly what she would have wanted done. But then again, he had the same interests that she did. He wanted to help out the transgenics, his own kind. She almost laughed at that thought. About a year ago he would have turned on his own kind to save his ass. *No, not really. Even then, he couldn’t do it,* she thought remembering him plunging the knife into the ground next to her, and rolling onto his back in surrender. With the knowledge that he had just given up his only opportunity to live. She sighed, remembering giving the scientist the money to save his life instead of for the cure to the virus. How many times had she blamed that on him? How many times since then was she glad that she had done it? 

 

Max blinked quickly once she caught everyone starring at her, realizing that she had once again lost herself in thought. “Right. Good. Anyone else?” Everyone shook their heads no, they had nothing else to add. “Okay then, everyone back to work.” Logan was walking towards her, and she put up a hand. “I’ll meet you by your computer in a few minutes. I need to ask Alec about the scouting mission.” He nodded slightly and headed for the stairs, giving a slightly evil look to the other X5 as he left. *Did I just imagine that?*

 

Alec obviously didn’t let the look faze him as he walked over to her. “What did you need to know?” he asked as he leaned against the railing next to her. But before she could say anything, he continued, “Oh, by the way. Nice drawing,” he looked over her shoulder at the piece of paper, “What is that? A beach, an island?” She rolled her eyes at him, but she knew she had been caught. “Finally getting as bored as we are over his little speeches or whatever it is he whines about?”

 

She almost laughed, almost. “Alec… grow up!” She yelled instead, not sure exactly why she needed to. He was right after all, wasn’t he? Instead she decided to ignore it. “How many scouts do you have out? And what are they looking for?” And as she spoke, she found herself listening, as he cut right to the chase, and told her exactly what she wanted to know. No dramatic flare, or hype. Just the cold, hard facts. And when he was finished, she nodded, “Okay, let me know how it goes.”

 

“Yes, sir,” he said with a mock salute, and her hand came out and hit his shoulder. He gave a slight hurt puppy dog look and she just shook her head with a slight laugh as he walked down the stairs. Her eyes followed him move over to talk to Mole and Joshua. Saw him put his hand up onto Joshua’s shoulder, as the three men laughed at something. She smiled as the three of them continued talking, obviously enjoying themselves. Her eyes moved around the room, and her smile faded as her eyes sat on Logan. He was sitting at one of the computer terminals, by himself, ignoring the rest of the room. Or at least trying to. His fingers tapping on the desk next to him, becoming faster and faster as the other men laughed. 

 

She took a deep breath and stood up. Walking over to the stairs, she wondered to herself when and if she would ever go back to her old way of thinking. But as she walked down the steps, heading over to the computer to actually have that talk with Logan that he wanted, she wondered if she truly wanted to go back to her old way of thinking. She took another deep breath, and hoped that she wouldn’t die of boredom in the next twenty or so minutes his talk would take.

_________________________________

 

It was late. *Well, early actually,* she thought looking down at her watch. It read 3:17 am. She was awake, wide-awake. The scouts were out, and were to be coming back in about twenty minutes. They had sent about five X6’s to raid some medical supply warehouses. They were very low on some medications, and equipment they needed. Most importantly Tryptophan. While the X5’s had been treated for seizures, like herself before she escaped again. Many of the earlier X’s were not given the same luxury. 

 

She paced back and forth in front of the old couch in the main room of headquarters. It was eerily quiet. Only Dix was there, up on the second story, working on the computer. Waiting for word. Well, he wasn’t the only one, from the voice behind her. “You’re going to wear a hole in the floor if you keep that up.” She turned around quickly, ready to give him an evil look, but a wince of pain came across her face. Alec saw it, and was immediately next to her. “What’s wrong?”

 

Max moved her shoulder, “Damn. It still hurts.” Her hand moved up to her shoulder, and he brushed her hands away.

 

“Max, that was days ago. You should be almost fully healed by now.” His hands moved to her shoulder gently, and her eyes widened as he pulled part of her shirt to the side.

 

“What the hell do you think you are doing?”

 

For a second he looked like he was confused, and had no idea what she was talking about. Then he looked to where his hand was, then back at her. “Uhhh…” But he didn’t remove it. He just shrugged his shoulders and looked at the skin of her shoulder through her neckline.

 

Her mouth opened slightly in shock, but she didn’t pull away. *Well, he did do it out of concern.* 

 

“It looks healed,” he said looking back up at her, his hand moving over her shoulder, squeezing it lightly. She could tell he was testing it, seeing where it hurt. “God, Max.”

 

“What?” she asked looking back up at him.

 

“No wonder your shoulder hurts.” She gave him a strange look, and he continued. “Your muscles are so tense. Are you that worried about the scout teams?” 

 

She sighed, *Am I worried? I’m always worried.* She just nodded, and he pushed her gently to a chair, she sat down, looking up at him. 

 

His hands went to both of her shoulders, “Just try and relax, for once.” His hands moved over her shoulders, his fingers working into her muscles. Gently, carefully, as to not bother her wounded shoulder. Her head lulled, her eyes closed, and her body started to relax at his touch. His hands moved up to the back of her neck, and she let out a slight moan. She bit her lip from doing it again, but it felt good. She hadn’t had a neck rub in a very long time. And she could actually start to feel some of the tension drain from her body. 

 

But it didn’t stay that way for long, as Dix screamed across the room. “They’re coming back. They have wounded.”

 

“Shit,” she heard Alec swear behind her, his hands leaving instantly, and grabbing his cell phone. She jumped to her feet as well, reaching for hers on the table. In minutes they had the medical people in the makeshift hospital, and were on the way over there as well. 

_________________________________

 

She watched the red water flow down the drain of the sink, as she tried to wash her hands. They were covered in blood. The blood of one of the X6’s she had been helping. Three of the five had been hurt, two seriously, on their way out of the building. They had almost lost one of them, but now all three were sleeping peacefully, and thankfully were going to be fine. She let the hot water wash over her hands and arms, trying to get the crimson color out of her skin. *So much blood.* She shook her head, tried to push the emotions she was feeling away, out of her head. But she couldn’t. She had done it too much, pushed things away too many times, and it was starting to catch up with her. 

 

As the water started to run clear, she realized her hands were shaking a little. She looked up into the mirror, and saw her red eyes, the tears slipping down her cheeks. *When did I start crying?* She had no idea how to answer her own question. She grabbed one of the old rags, and dried her hands. Wiping her face and her tears away she moved to the door. 

 

Max walked into the main room. Luke had taken Dix’s spot at the computer, and Alec was talking to Mole over one of the maps. He looked up at her, and she caught his gaze for a second, but quickly diverted it, and walked over to her office. Her hands were still shaking as she opened the door and moved inside. 

 

“Max… what’s wrong?” 

 

She spun around quickly. She hadn’t even heard him enter the room behind her. She turned back around shaking her head. “Nothing,” she told him. But in fact she felt like she was falling apart. She wasn’t sure why. But in some aspect, she knew. As she had helped with that X6, her mind kept telling her. Not another one, not another one dead because of me. She couldn’t take it, the responsibility was catching up with her. It was too much, too much to do… alone. And that’s how she felt. Alone.

 

She heard him move behind her, felt his presence there. She felt his hand move to her arm, and turn her towards him. His hand moving to her chin, making her look up at him. Making her look into his hazel eyes, eyes filled with concern, concern for her. “They are going to be fine. This isn’t your fault. In fact, you helped save that kids life.”

 

How had he known? How had he known what she was worried about? “I can’t do this.”

 

“Yes you can Max. You can, and you will. You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

 

She shook her head, “I don’t feel like it. I feel…” she cringed, “Alone.”

 

He sighed, his hand went to the side of her face gently, and his thumb wiped away one of her tears. “You are never alone Max.”

 

As she looked into his eyes, she knew he was right. He was there. There for her now, like he had been in the past. Always there, always there for her. But she still felt it, this horrible feeling, a feeling of despair that she just couldn’t shake. “Alec…” She started then stopped herself. 

 

“What Max?”

 

Should she ask? Would he just make fun of her? Could she ask this from him? She watched his face, and knew that she could. She spoke softly, “Could you… just… hold me?” She watched the words wash over his face, but he never said a word. He only pulled her to him, his arms wrapping around her. Her face went into his chest, trying to drown out the outside world. No matter how much she hated to admit it, she needed that. She needed to be touched, to be held, to feel safe. She felt his head rest against the top of hers, and he slowly pulled her over to the couch. She sat down with him, and leaned against him, his arms coming around her again. He never said a word. 

 

She kept her eyes closed, trying to just take in the feeling. The relaxed, safe feeling that she actually felt. She could hear his heartbeat at her ear, it comforted her. So much in fact, that she was sound asleep in seconds.

_________________________________

 

Her eyes slowly opened to find herself in her own bed. But then she realized she wasn’t alone, her senses immediately picked up who was asleep behind her. His arm wrapped around her, his body pressed against her back. His breath moving over the skin of her neck. As her brain began to clear, she saw her hand holding on to his. Realized she was fully clothed except for her shoes. That she was under the sheet, and he was sleeping on top of them.

 

Then her brain slightly remembered more, she remembered being laid down on the bed. She remembered gripping his shirt, she remembered begging him not to leave. *Begging him?* she questioned herself. But she did. In her tired state, she had begged him not to leave her alone. And he didn’t. And here he was, with her. 

 

She slowly rolled onto her back, and looked at his face. Completely relaxed, so innocent looking. She almost laughed at the thought. “Alec?” she spoke quietly. 

 

His eyes fluttered open, and then he got a slight panicked look on his face, “Max… before you start…”

 

She cut him off, “Thank you.” He generally looked confused. She smiled, and decided to clarify, “Thank you for staying, and thank you for being a gentleman.” The real smile she got back was worth having to say thank you. 

 

“No problem,” he said.

 

Max noticed that she had not yet released his hand, and she had no intention of doing so yet. She rolled over on her side, facing him, and rested her forehead against his. Why? She wasn’t sure. For some reason, she felt completely comfortable doing so. And he wasn’t jumping away, he wasn’t trying to leave. She wanted to move closer to him, wanted him to hold her again. She looked into his eyes, their noses almost touching. Her eyes darted to his mouth. She could feel his breath on her face, and she swallowed hard. She was being drawn towards him, she couldn’t help herself.

 

And just as their lips were about to connect, his hands rested on both sides of her face, stopping her. “No, Max.” Her eyes went wide in shock. “You don’t want to do this. You love Logan. You only let me hold you last night because he couldn’t.” He tried to shake her head no, but his hands wouldn’t let her. “And I can do that. I can hold you, and comfort you. Friends do that. But… Max… I can’t do more. I won’t be a replacement for him. I can’t.”

 

He let her go, and sat up on the side of the bed. Her mind was whirling, “But Alec…” He closed his eyes, shaking his head, and looked down. “You aren’t.” And she meant it. Right then, she really did mean it. 

 

“Max…” He began, but stopped at the knock on the door, which opened barely moments later.

 

Both of the X5’s heads looked up to see Logan standing there, a look of anger coming over his features. “I thought you said nothing was going on between the two of you?” his voice accusing the other two.

 

Alec ran his hand through his hair. He looked over towards her, and then back up at Logan. She had no idea what to say, because, actually, in her mind, she was having trouble denying that there could be something. But Alec spoke for her. “Look, man. Nothing happened.” He reached out for the sheet, and pulled it from her. Showing that she still had all her clothes on. “She was just upset last night, and didn’t want to be alone. You weren’t around. Okay?” He said standing up in a slight huff, and exiting the room.

 

She watched him leave, and Logan shut the door. “So, nothing happened?”

 

Max turned to Logan, her eyes looking into his. His were filled with suspicion towards her. She rolled her eyes and sighed, as she stood up. “No, nothing happened. God Logan! Are you always going to be suspicious about everything that I do? Or just around all my male friends? Oh, wait, what about Cindy? She may like me too?” She heard the venom in her own voice, and was shocked with herself, but in a strange way it felt good. Even though in a way she felt guilty, because if she had her way a few minutes ago, then something would have happened. Heck, she had almost kissed him, and would have if he hadn’t stopped her.

 

“Max, this is Alec we are talking about. Not one of your good friends.”

 

“Excuse me? Are you saying he’s not a friend?”

 

“You always complain about him, argue with him. I wouldn’t consider that a friend in my book.”

 

“Well, it doesn’t matter what you think. It matters what I think.”

 

“Fine, whatever, it’s not important” she watched him wave away the topic, and that just made her even angrier. “I came here, to get you. Because I got some more information on that mob…”

 

She cut him off with a small scream, “AHHHH, that’s it!”

 

“What’s it?”

 

“You! Don’t you understand? Don’t you see? I don’t care! I don’t care about your Eyes Only crusade anymore. I don’t care about saving humanity, when all they want to do is kill me and my own! Do you even care about any of the others here?”

 

“I care about you Max! You know that!”

 

She rolled her eyes, “Me? You care about me? Yet you don’t trust me.” She threw her hands up in the air. “Do you even care about what is important to me? Or do you just like the idea of having some genetically engineered, revved up girlfriend?”

 

“Max, calm down. You aren’t thinking clearly. Once everything gets back to normal…”

 

She cut him off again, “Normal? NORMAL?? That’s what you want? It’s never going to happen. Ever! I’m not normal Logan. I have been trying to be normal for most of my life, and you know what? You know what I’ve discovered? I’m NOT normal! I never will be! And you know what else? I don’t WANT to be.” She looked shocked even to herself, *Wow, I really do mean that.*

 

“Yes you do Max. I know you, I know what you want. I accept that, and I can help you.”

 

She shook her head at him, he really didn’t get it. “No you don’t. You don’t understand me at all. In fact, you have never accepted who or what I am. You have always, since the day I met you, tried to change me. Make me like you. I’m not like you. I don’t want to be like you.” She saw the hurt look on his face, and for some reason she didn’t care.

 

“Max, I love you. And you love me.”

 

“Love me? You love me? Really? Or do you just love the idea of me? The idea, the story you created in your head? Because that’s what I have finally figured out abut you. I loved the picture I had of you in my head, not the real you.” She saw him about ready to speak. “I need someone who understands me. Accepts me for who and what I am. Not someone who wants to change me.”

 

“Oh really?” he shouted back. “And exactly where do you expect to find such a person Max? Huh? Who’s willing to put up with the real you? Who’s willing to take all that Manticore shit, and revved up bitchiness?”

 

She almost laughed at who popped into mind, *How blind have I been?* But instead she just gave a small smile, “Get out Logan.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“I said, get out! Out of Terminal City, out of my life. Go on your save the world crusade by yourself. I have my own things I need to take care of.”

 

“Max, you don’t mean that,” he said as he walked around the bed towards her. She looked at him like he was crazy as he moved closer to her. 

 

She pointed towards the door, “Logan, I said get out.” 

 

He just moved closer to her, his gloved hand moving towards her face, and she cringed as he cupped the side of her face. “Max, I know you love me.”

 

“No, Logan I don’t. Now leave.”

 

He shook his head, “I know you love me, because you won’t touch me, you won’t push me away. Because you don’t want to hurt me.” She took a step backwards, trying not to get near him, but her back hit the wall, and he moved closer. She was trapped, she felt so trapped. There was nothing she could do, short of reaching out and pushing him away or kicking him. But the chances were that in the process she would touch him and kill him. And while she knew now that she didn’t love him, she still cared about him. 

 

“Logan, stop this. Now.”

 

His gloved hand trailed over her face, “You don’t mean it Max. You are just saying this again, saying this to protect me. To get me to go away. When really, you really want me here.” He said, his other hand coming out, one finger trailing down over her neck.

 

What the hell did he think her was doing. “Don’t touch me.”

 

“What are you going to do? Touch me back? Kill me?”

 

She swallowed hard, his hand moving down her shoulder. She yelled again, “GET OUT!” But he didn’t budge, his hand moving down her side, grasping her breast. His other hand moving over her lips. But before he could move further, the door flew open.

 

Both of their heads turned, and they saw Alec standing there. “What the hell do you think you are doing?” he asked the older man. She saw his hazel eyes search her face, read her fear, and he was grabbing Logan from behind pulling him from her. He pushed him out into the hall. “Mole!” Max moved away from the wall, sitting on the edge of the bed. In the background she could hear the men talking. “Get him out of here, out of TC, and make sure no one lets him back in.” Then she heard her door shut, and felt the bed dip behind her, “Max?” She turned around on the bed, and she didn’t even ask, she just leaned against him, and his arms came up around her. “What happened?” She could hear the concern in his voice, felt his hands move comfortingly over her back. 

 

She hid her face back into his chest, “I broke up with him.” She could feel him nod, and she went on, “For good.” But she knew he didn’t believe her, she looked up into his eyes. “I mean it.”

 

“Max…”

 

“I’m serious. I did. For MY own good.” He looked slightly shocked. “He’s not good for me. He doesn’t understand me. He doesn’t understand what I need. And… I don’t love him.”

 

He shook his head at her, “Max…”

 

“Don’t. I’m serious. I really mean it Alec. I don’t love him, I love who I thought he was. Not who he really is.” He just nodded at her, and pulled her back into the hug. She sighed against him, “I need someone like me. Someone that understands me.” She pulled away again, and looked up into his eyes, “Someone that is there for me. That accepts who I am.” She watched his eyes get bigger, as he realized what she was telling him. Her hand went up to the side of his face. Her fingers trailing over the soft skin of his cheek. She leaned in, her lips brushing against his, and then harder. Her hands wrapped around his neck, and she felt his arms bring her closer as they both deepened the kiss. Her mind was spinning, and she never wanted it to end. 

 

But then he pulled away, his hands back at the sides of her face. “No Max, no.”

 

“What? Why?”

 

He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. “You aren’t thinking clearly. You just broke up with Logan, and who knows if you will even want to be that way tomorrow. You need to think about this. Need to think about what you really want. I don’t want to be some mistake. I don’t want to ruin whatever it is we have because of a mistake. I don’t want to be a rebound.”

 

“Alec… you won’t be a…”

 

He shook his head again, “Max… no… I’m sorry.” He said pulling away, and rising from the bed. He moved to the door, “You have to be sure Max. And you aren’t.” He said as he walked out of the door. 

 

She wanted to scream. The man she wanted to leave her alone didn’t want to, and the one that she wanted to be with had left her alone. But was he right? Did she really only want him, and think about wanting him, because he was there? Because she had just ended it with Logan? She groaned in frustration and collapsed back onto her bed, closing her eyes.

_________________________________

 

A few more days had passed, and the two X5’s had been avoiding each other. *Well, he has been avoiding me.* Except for things dealing with the mission. The mission that he was on right now. The one that had her pacing the floor once again. But this time, not just from waiting for the time he should be back. But because his team was over thirty minutes late. She looked at her watch, *Thirty-eight to be exact.*

 

This time, Dix, Luke, and Joshua were all there. Mole was out by the gates, waiting to see if they were coming in, since they had ordered radio silence. Max continued to pace the floor. This wasn’t just a basic, routine mission. This had to do with White, and his base of operations. It was a big one. One that if successful, meant that the transgenics wouldn’t have to worry about being caught for at least a few weeks. One that meant, they would get a hold of a lot more information on the familiars. One that meant, that it was very dangerous. Very deadly, and she felt the butterflies in her stomach making her sick. In twenty minutes she was going to send out the search party.

 

As every second past, she felt like her heart was breaking. And she knew, knew by the way she felt at that moment, that how she felt about him was real. It wasn’t fake, it wasn’t a rebound, and it wasn’t because she couldn’t have Logan. It’s because she wanted, needed, and yes… loved him. Another flash of dread washed though her, and she just couldn’t shake it. But then Mole rushed inside, “They’re coming!”

 

She let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding, and waited. She wouldn’t totally get her hopes up. Just because the team was returning, didn’t mean something hadn’t gone wrong. That someone wasn’t hurt, or worse. Then he walked through the door. A large grin on his face, as he handed two CD’s to Dix. “Mission successful.”

 

She walked over to him, “You’re late.”

 

He grinned, “We got into a little wrestling match with some of White’s group. But nothing we couldn’t handle. Right boys?” He asked the other X5’s behind him. 

 

She watched their good humor, heard their laughing, and she punched him hard in the gut, “Ass hole!” She yelled at him, and stormed down the hallway towards her room.

 

She heard him behind her, but she didn’t care as she walked faster, and turned into her room, shutting the door in his face. She was pissed. *How dare he?* She was fuming. She heard the door open, and turned towards him. “What the hell are you doing in here?”

 

His eyes were angry as well, “What the hell did you hit me for?” He slammed the door behind him.

 

“Because, like I said. You’re an ass hole.”

 

“For what? Getting the damn job done?”

 

“No!”

 

He took a step towards her, “Then what the hell for?”

 

“For making me worry!” She screamed back before she even realized what was coming out of her mouth. They both stopped, and he starred at her, his mouth slightly open. She closed her eyes, and her head moved down as she took a deep breath.

 

Then she felt his fingers at her chin, tilting her face back up. “Max…” His voice was calmer, questioning.

 

She opened her eyes, her brain trying to decide what to do. What to tell him. A wave of fear washed through her. It was like if she didn’t tell him now, if she didn’t say what she felt, she would never get another chance. It was now or never. She found the courage inside of herself, her hand moving up to his cheek, “Alec… I love you.”

 

She could see the shock in his eyes, his brain trying to process the information. Then his eyes shut and he shook his head at her, “Max… no. You don’t mean it.”

 

“Excuse me?” Why the hell didn’t he believe her? She moved closer to him, her other hand moving up to his face, her hands moving to try and make him look down at her. “Alec, I do mean it.”

 

His eyes still wouldn’t open to look at her, his shoulders straightening. “You were just worried, that’s all. You don’t really feel like that about me Max.” He opened his eyes, plastering that familiar smile on his face, “I mean, come on. How could you love a screw up like me?”

 

No wonder he was having such a hard time grasping the idea. With everything she had ever told him, the way that she always acted towards him, the truth really didn’t make much sense. But it was the truth. “You aren’t a screw up Alec.” She still saw the disbelief in his eyes, “I just blamed you for everything in my life because it was easier, and you always seemed to be able to take it. I could yell at you, scream at you, and you wouldn’t leave. Thank God, you never left.” She lightly trailed her fingers over the side of his face, and she saw him lean into the touch. Her hand moved back to his neck and pulled him down to her mouth. Her lips captured his, and his arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer to him. 

 

She wanted to smile, feeling him finally accepting her admission, as he deepened the kiss. Her arms wrapped around him, holding him tighter to her. Holding so tight, never wanting to let go of him. The kiss grew more passionate, his tongue moving into her mouth, both groaning at the taste of each other. She never wanted it to end. If she could freeze that moment forever she would have.

 

He pulled away from the kiss, both breathing deeply, faces flushed. His fingers trailed over the side of her face, over her lips. His dark hazel eyes starred into hers, “Max…” She could tell he was going to tell her, she could see it in his eyes, see the emotion there. “I love you,” he said and kissed her once again. She knew he meant it, she knew he wasn’t just telling her that, telling her what she wanted to hear. And it made sense, she just wondered how long he had felt that way, how long he knew he had felt that way. But as the kiss continued, she forced the thoughts away. She could think or ask about that later.

 

“Show me,” was all she said as she broke from the kiss. Her hands moved to his shirt, and she watched the smile spread across his face. His shirt was over his head, and on the floor before he could reply. Her hands moved over the soft skin, the hard muscles of his chest. His hands moved to her shirt, and she reluctantly moved her hands away from his to allow him to pull it up and over her head. Once gone, she quickly undid his pants, and dragged them to the floor. He stepped out of them, only to find her quickly removing her own as well. 

 

He pulled her back to him. “Eager?” he asked her, but she only pulled him back down for another kiss as the answer. Her arms wrapping around him, pulling him back to the bed, her legs hitting the edge, and she pulled him down with her. Then she quickly rolled him over, his arms pulled her body down to his, pressing her against him. She groaned at the feel of him hard against her hip, desire shooting through her body. Their mouths met again, as their hands moved over each other’s heated skin. She felt his hands move down her back, to her bra, unfastening the clasps. She sat up, and watched him groan as she moved her hips against him. She pulled the straps down, and flung the lace across the room. 

 

His hands immediately came up to her breasts, squeezing the plump flesh. Her head went back, her eyelids closing. His thumbs teased the hard nipples, as his hips bucked up against hers. She moaned, and moved back against him. His body sat up under hers, and his mouth moved to one hard peak, sucking lightly, his teeth lightly grazing it. She moaned again, her hands moving into his hair, pulling him closer. 

 

He moved to the other one, as his hands moved down her bare back, then sliding over her ass. His hands picked her up slightly, his one hand moving under her panties, his fingers moving over her. Her body shook as his finger tips came in contact with her. His other hand tried to pull them down, and she found herself helping him take the fabric off quickly. His arm coming back to pull her tightly against him, his mouth still working over her breasts, his other hand moving over her. Sliding over her, one finger sliding into her, making her groan against him, hearing one of his own as well. 

 

She opened her eyes, and tilted his head back up. Capturing his mouth she pushed him back down onto the bed, his hands leaving her, to pull her back down against him, but she pulled away. Moving to his boxers as she moved down the bed. He lifted his hips, and she pulled them down and off him. Her eyes sparkling, and a wicked smile playing across her face at seeing him. His hard erection right in front of her, her hand came out, wrapping around him, his hips moving up in response, her name from his lips. 

 

Her hand moved over the hardened flesh, watching his reaction. She licked her lips, and her mouth descended to him. Her tongue darting out to taste him, hear him groan. His hands moved into her hair, as her mouth took in the head, sucking lightly. Her tongue moved around him, his hips moved in response. She moved lower onto him, her mouth moving slowly. She could hear his sounds, feel his muscles tensing under her hands roaming over his chest, his stomach. Then she slowly started to pull off him, then back down, taking more of him. She moved faster, listening to the sounds he was making, feeling his fingers in her hair. She kept moving, tasting him, moving faster, sucking at the tip, feeling his hips rise, then moving back down. 

 

“Max…” he groaned, his hands moving to her shoulders. And she quickly found herself pulled from him, his mouth crushing hers, his tongue back in hers, and her hips against his. The tip of his erection brushing against her. The need to feel him inside of her, too great to ignore any longer. She pulled away from his mouth, her hand moving between them, grasping him, as she moved over him. Her body slowly sinking onto him, taking him fully, deeply into her, filling her. Fully joined, his arms brought her back down, pressing their flesh back together, their lips sealing in another kiss. 

 

Her hips began to rock back and forth against him, both groaning into the kiss. His hips moved up against hers, as they started to move faster. Her body moved, again and again, and then she sat up. His hands went to her hips, pulling her down hard onto him, making them both gasp. Her body started to move up, and then back down. His hips moved up at her, as she plunged back down, quicker, faster. 

 

Alec sat back up, his one hand at her hip, guiding her onto him, over and over. His mouth moving to her neck, kissing, and licking at the skin, making her moan, as her body continued to move. His other hand moved between them, finding that hard bundle of nerves once again, making her body shake against him. His fingertip lightly circling around it, her hips moved faster, harder onto him, her body climbing the peak quickly.

 

With a couple more thrusts she was screaming, “Alecccc…” Her head flew back, even as her hips continued to move, his hands moving to her hips, pulling her down, again and again, as her body convulsed around him. Waves of pleasure shooting through her body. 

 

“So beautiful,” she barely heard the soft words from him, before she found herself on her back. Him nestled between her thighs, him fully pressed inside of her. She moaned as his hips ground into her. She wrapped her legs around him, trying to bring him closer, deeper, as if it were even possible. And then he started to move into her. His hips moving slow, pulling almost all the way out of her, to then push back in slowly. Her hands went to his shoulders, her eyes opening to look up at him. His eyes starred down at her, so much emotion written in them, she could almost cry at having missed the signs for so long. So much wasted time.

 

Her legs wrapped around him tighter, and he took the hint, his body moving faster. His hips speeding up, moving into her with more force, making them both groan into the kiss she pulled him back into. His body plugged into her, again and again, faster, harder. She left his lips on a gasp, as he moved quicker. Her hips moving up against his, wanting more, wanting to feel that explosion of pleasure once again. Knowing that she would, that she always would with him. 

 

She felt his face at her neck, his body moving faster, his teeth grazing at the skin of her shoulder. His tongue moving softly over where she had been shot a while ago. The event that had changed everything. She felt him move faster, harder into her, over and over, again and again. She was right there with him, her nails digging into his shoulders, trying to hold on. She felt his hips buck into her, “Maxxxx…” And on the call of her name, she felt his teeth bite into her shoulder. The slight pain sent her over the edge with him, his name on her lips once again, as her body clamped down around him. Their arms tightening around each other, as wave after wave of pleasure passed through them. 

 

Max could barely talk, let alone move. Her eyes slowly opened, to find his hand moving to the side of her face, his lips moving to hers. Kissing her softly, and she sighed into it. His arms pulled her body with his, as he rolled to the side, hugging her to him. She rested her head on his shoulder, her arms pulling him closer. The feeling of love, safety, and completeness surrounding her, a feeling that she knew she would never find anywhere else, ever. And with the sound of his heartbeat at her ear, she slowly fell asleep.

_________________________________

 

Her clouded brain could hear him, “Max.” 

 

But she didn’t want to wake up, she moved trying to find his warm body to curl up to.

 

“Max…”

 

She heard the voice again, but it didn’t sound right, she tried to move closer to it. But as she moved pain gripped her body.

 

“Little Fella.”

 

With those words, her brain flashed, *Joshua!* Her eyes opened quickly, to the bright light. She was back in the makeshift hospital. She saw the slight relieved look on his face, but sorrow still evident in his eyes.

 

“Oh, thank God. You are awake. Alec, has been asking for you.”

 

Her mind was spinning. What the hell was happening? How did she get here? And then she felt it again, her hand coming to her shoulder, pain rushing through her again. *It was a dream? Oh, God. It was a dream!* She looked up at Joshua, *Alec?* She blinked, “Well, let him in. Let me see him.” She then caught the look on his face. Absolute fear washed over her. “Joshua?”

 

“Max… Too much… damage,” he shook his head, looking down, “Nothing we can do…”

 

She sat up quickly, not caring about the pain anymore. He tried to get her to lay back down, but she shook him off as she got out of bed, “Where is he?” She screamed, as she ran out the door. He quickly followed her, and led her into another room. 

 

Max gasped as she saw Alec lying on another bed. She saw an IV going into him, her eyes quickly reading that it was pain medication. The sheets were red with blood, her body shook as she slowly walked over, “Alec?” Her heart gripped with fear that she was too late. 

 

Her hand slipped into his, as his eyes slowly opened. “Max?” his voice asked, raspy, and too quiet.

 

Tears slipped down her face as she looked over him. She could see the bandages at his chest, could tell the bullet had went right through him. More tears slipped down her face, her hand squeezed his tighter, as she realized what had happened. He had tried to pull her out of the way, took the bullet himself. But it went straight through him, and then hit her. He had saved her life, but now… “Alec… you can’t leave me.”

 

A slight garbled laughed came from him, a look of pain over his face. “Max, you’re better off with… out me.” She shook her head, even as he continued. “I mean, God. I can’t even take a bullet for you right.” He said looking up at her bandaged shoulder.

 

“No, Alec. You saved my life. Like you always do.” He started coughing, and she could see a little blood trickling out of his mouth. Her hand brushed it away, as she leaned over him. The tears would not stop, she knew they never would. “Alec… I love you.” She saw his eyes widen, “You can’t leave me now.”

 

His hand settled against the side of her face, “I’ll always be there. There with you Max… always.” Her lips trembled, as tears fell onto his chest. She leaned in and kissed him softly. She pulled away slowly, and watched him try to speak again, she could see the effort it was taking. “I do love you… Max.” His fingers moved over the side of her face, his breathing becoming more ragged. 

 

“Alec?” His eyes were slowly drifting close, “Alec...?”

 

“Always,” his voice barely got out, his eyes closing, and his hand fell from her face.

 

Her body shaking, “Alec!” Her hand moved to his neck, checking for a heartbeat. Nothing. Her body wracked in sobs, she screamed, “NO!!!!” Throwing her body over his chest, her arms clinging to him, the word echoed through the silent room, the only sound the sobbing of the woman laying over the body of the love she had found too late.

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The End--- Please Review!


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